Dark and Spooky Translations for Goths

Because I am extremely busy and have a million better things to do, I decided to translate some things into Gothic.

Hwar ist meins gaitsûgja?
Where is my chupacabra?

Meins feina niuja swarta undarsnaga gneidiþ mik.
My fancy new black underwear is chafing.

Du-hwé finþada fiusa in þizei saipjôn?
Why is there bacon in the soap?

Guþiskans frijônd/liuband David Hasselhof!
The Goths love David Hasselhof!

Uþ ik habáidêdjáu ainata niukilô wiþra hwazuh sigaraita þataei þeina âiþei rauk, ik werþîdjáu dauþs/dauþa wesan.
If I had a nickle for every cigarette your mother smoked, I'd be dead. (dauþs = male, dauþa = female)

Silda-leika patai, akei ik þarf gaggan uþ ik qima an þata gafilh!
Great pâté, but I've gotta motor if I'm gonna make it to that funeral!

I'm not going to go very deep into pronunciation here, but here are a couple of general tips:

ai = [E:] eh in meh, not igh in sigh!
ei = [i:] ee in see, not ay in say or igh in sigh! (This is gothic, not german!)
au = [C:] aw in awful, not ow in how.
iu = [y:] ü in fühlen or u in vu, not you in you.
þ = [T] th in think.
gg = [Ng] ng in finger.
gk = [Nk] nk in think.

That should get you pointed in the right direction.

Anyway, Gothic is not my best germanic langauge, but this is my best shot. Please comment if you have any corrections (particularly if anyone can correct the declension of "hwazuh sigaraita" which I know is wrong but can't figure out).

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